{There's bathtubs full of glow flies.}

I once read that every night before you go to bed you should complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________. Today I accomplished _________.




So today, I am thankful for my loving family. They are always there for me, no matter what. Today, I walked in the door from a trip to Walmart and my little sister was waiting for me with a hug. It was the best feeling in the world.



Today, I accomplished laundry. I have been letting it pile up for about a week. I had one basket overflowing with dirty clothes and one basket of clothes that needed to be folded. So I took a few hours and knocked it out. I also completely packed up my Christmas stuff, organized my closet and even took some pictures.



I was very productive today.

My birthday is in, like, 10 days. Putting my birthday dinner at 9.

But what to wear??

I tried on a dress I bought about a year ago and it turns out that I've lost weight since then and the stinking thing doesn't fit anymore. I have a few more options. I really don't want to buy a new dress, but I want something no one has seen me in. Hmmm...

On my way home from Walmart, Tyler and I were blasting some Cobra Starship. Our favorite was Hot Mess. : >

A.Year.In.Status.

I never realized how much I use lyrics as my facebook status, until Brian showed me an app. It's called 'A year in status.'

And if you think that's bad, check this out...

"Closer" by Ne-Yo

Music's the medicine of the mind. -John A. Logan

"You're So Last Summer" by Taking Back Sunday.

This song is particularly important to me. I heard it on the radio during my first date with a boy. Through the next two years it became sort of a theme song for our relationship. And music truly did keep the demons at bay.

Music's the only thing that makes sense anymore, man. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons at bay. -Across the Universe.

"I Thought the World Was Round" by Samantha Moore

Music is what life sounds like. -Eric Olson

"Konstantine" By Something Corporate

When words leave off, music begins. -Heinrich Heine

"So Yesterday" -Hilary Duff

Currently, my favorite song is "Traffic Light" by The Ting Tings. Its completely different from anything else I've heard of theirs. Maybe that why I like it. :]

BTW,

11 days til my birthday.

So Long, '09.

For the first time in a while, I'm feeling peace.

I've come so far this year. I've been through tremendous ups and downs. And finally, I'm feeling that things are falling into place. There's the possibility of a new job, a new apartment, a new boy. According to my horoscope [[psshhh..]] 2010 is my year. We'll see...

With Me:: Sum 41

...And when you think it never happens, it happens.

Happiness is more related to the simple things in life. -[Uncle] Wally Goddard

"Come Alive" by the Foo Fighters

George Bernard Shaw said, "There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it."

I think what Shaw was trying to say is that its a tragedy to gain your heart's desire and realize that its not enough. It may be that boy, the one you know you'd be happy with, or maybe its a college, the one you've wanted to attend since you were little. It may even be the career path, the one you thought you wanted. Suppose you got all these things. What would happen if, once you had them, they turned out to be nothing like you expected?

In the past year, I wanted things. I wanted to date this boy. He was a boy from my past. We had dated before. And when our second (or third, or fourth...) chance came around, I took it. But I wasn't happy. He didn't make me happy. That realization broke my heart.

[The one on the left, licking my face.]

I was pursuing a degree in Finance at UALR. Somewhere in the middle of my accounting class, I realized that I had no desire to do this for the rest of my life. Sure, I'm a little lost and that scares me. I was always the "girl with a plan." Now I'm planless and I think I'm okay with that. Its not what you do that matters, its how much you enjoy doing it.

When it comes down to it, I'd rather gain my heart's desire and realize it's not enough, than to never have it at all. Because I'd be learning about myself. I wouldn't sit back and wonder "what if." Everytime I realize what I don't want, I'm one step closer to realizing what I do want.

SotD:: When it Comes by Tyler Hilton

Shaw also said, "A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing."

I'm gonna need a flashier tie.

"You pile up enough tomorrows and you'll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays. I don't know about you, but I'd like to make today worth remembering." - The Music Man

There comes a time in your life, where you have to make the BIG decision: a decision that will change your life. You may be in high school, or college. You may be in an entry-level position, or the CEO of a Fortune-500 company. Maybe you're a single twentysomething, or maybe a new mother.

But each of us have to face the music.

You have to make the tough decision between who you've always been and making your dreams come true. You must face the denial in your eyes and know that the person you are isn't the best self you can be.
Its hard. And scary. I wouldn't dare say otherwise. But when you look back on your life, 20 years later, will you regret the choices you didn't make? Will you regret leting the opportunities pass? Or will you seize the opportunities and make your dreams come true? I sincerely hope you choose the latter. I hope that your desire for change out weights the fear in your head. I hope you allow yourself to fulfill your potential.

Carpe diem.

As for myself, I plan on doing what makes me happy. That's what life is all about. I'm don't trying to satisfy others. I'm doing things my way. Carpe diem.



Making my dreams come true.


"There comes a time with the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." -Anais Nin

SotD:: "Believe" by The Bravery

One of my favorite songs. Becoming on of my favorite bands. Definately worth the 4 minutes it takes to watch the video. Just do it.

I'm never gonna make you fall.

{{Keep in mind that I wrote this a while back, so my obsessions have changed.}}

Lately, I've become totally obsessed with 90's rock. I just downloaded a bunch of REM, Sheryl Crow, Eve 6, Third Eye Blind, etc... The music is great, don't get me wrong, but I think its more than that. It reminds me of a time when things were simpler. An age of innocence.

In 1998, I was 10 years old. I had a brand new baby sister. The only thing I worried about was who I was going to play with at recess. The worst injury I had was a skinned knee.

Now things are much more complicated. I worry about things like money and my future. My worst injury consisted of my freshman year of college, a 2,000 mile distance and a broken heart.

Youth really is wasted on the young. When you're young, you don't understand the beauty of it. And you certainly don't appreciate it. But I think we all have that moment of clarity, whether we're 15 or 50. Its that moment where you realize that, even when life is tough and your world is crumbling down around you,

Life is worth it.

You were sent here for a reason. You were meant to interact with these people. You were meant to touch their lives. No one can take that away from you. This is your life.
Live it to the best of your ability.
Cherish every moment.
You'll keep your memories for the remainder of you life.
But live in the moment.
Remember, Tomorrow is today.

"All I Wanna Do" by Sheryl Crow.

Currently, I love::

Wicked Images Photography...
[I ran across their page on facebook, and the photos are amazing.]

Ankle boots.

Fashiontoast

My new coat :]

Etsy

Sudoku

The color RED.

Scrapbooking

BONES.!

Robyn. :]

And its finally beginning to feel like Christmas. So I'm definately loving the Christmas lights at the courthouse. [Pictures will be taken soon. Hopefully.]

{Roadtrippp.}

This is gonna be a busy week for me. :]

Tuesday :: Sister Baker's Baby Shower.
Thursday :: Work
Friday :: DANE COOK. :]  and a long-arse drive to Bentonville.
Saturday :: Hay's dance competition.

So. I'm going to need a road mix for the 3 hour drive. I've already got some Audioslave and The Cure set up, but I need something new.

Ooh, did I mention that I found this guy named Jakob Dylan? He's Bob Dylan's grandson, I believe. His voice is incredible.

I'm all in favor of iTune's free song of the week, but seriously? "I love you so much that its driving me stupid"? My 4 year old nephew could write better lyrics than that. Poor girl.

Basically, I need some suggestions for new music. Thanks, Cat.

Isaac feeds me cake at the Bloch boy's birthday bash.

Me, Ben, and Isaac.

Yeah, they talk about her. She smiles like she's so tough.

"The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days." -One Tree Hill

Day #7

I find it amusing how much people can change. Five years ago, I was the dancer that loved hip-hop music. Now I'm the girl that opposes almost anything mainstream. My taste in music, movies, hobbies and even boys has changed. But, in all honesty, I don't think I've really changed; I think I've found myself, the person I'm supposed to be. Maybe, I've changed for the better.

I like this Caitlin much better.

I used to love romantic comedies. Now I like things with a little more meaning. I want to watch something that teaches a lesson. Like "Charlie Bartlett"; it teaches that there's more to life than popularity. How you use that popularity, for example. Life is about helping others.

And music... That's taken a complete 180. When I was little, I was obsessed with '90s country music, like Winona Judd and Patty Loveless. Then I meandered into teenagedom. I became one of those girls that hung out in the mall and listened to Top 40 songs. And I was completely okay with that because it was all I had known. It was what my friends did.

But then I went to college. I started to think for myself. I dated Jaron and he introduced me to Something Corporate and other punk rock bands. But more than that, he introduced me to a way of life. Something different. And it was exactly what I needed. I was finally realizing who I am supposed to be. I realized that there was more to life than Glen Rose, Arkansas. Just because this was how things always were doesn't mean this is how they're supposed to be. People change. Change is inevitable. When I step outside each morning, I decided who I am and who I want to be and no one can tell me otherwise. I don't want to be anything other than me.

Let's do a tiny recap:
Day #1 - Anything by Taylor Swift
Day #2 - Aerosmith's "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing"
Day #3 - Matchbox 20's "Argue" and "3 AM."
Day #4 - The Beetle's "Eleanor Rigby"
Day #5 - Kate Voelege's "Chicago"
Day #6 - Fall Out Boy's "Our Lawyer Made Us Change the Name of this Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued"
Day #7    ...

SotD:: "Paper Bag" by Anna Nalick.

I love this picture.
It reminds me of my Shaina.
And it has somehow became the theme in my life.

"But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads?"

Day #6

Sorry I've been a little AWOL lately. This weekend's been crazy stressful insanity! I played mom while my parents were out of town. Throw in a high school football game, 4 siblings, dance competition, a hogs game, and a day in Russellville, and you get an instant stressful Caitlin. So not much time to write about songs. But a sick day in bed did give me plenty of material so I'm backed up. Hope you enjoy the next few days. :)

SotD:  Our Lawyer Made Us Change the Name of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued

Fall Out Boy has exactly what a punk-rock band calls for: the dark clothes, eyeliner, sometimes spiky hair and the catchy tunes. One of my favorite parts of this song is that it’s a PERFECT summer song. Like “Argue,” it needs to be played with the windows down, sun on my skin, and wind in my hair. Having the volume turned up as loud as possible and screaming the words also helps. But my absolute favorite part is listening to it in my car with [[LITTLE SISTER]] then walking around target singing it together. Even if I’m sick and feel like crap and its cold outside. That doesn’t matter. When we’re together, there’s nothing else I want to do. I don’t think about what papers I should be writing or how much money I just spent. All I want to do is have fun. I just revel in being with her. I bask in that feeling. You know that feeling? The one where everything is right in the world. That’s the feeling I get. The world could be crashing down around us and it wouldn’t matter. That’s what love is. It's more than just being related. It’s the fact that you enjoy being with them even if you have to use an excuse like buying a garment bag, and you end up getting in trouble for it because you called in sick and you run into your manager’s boyfriend. Oops. But that doesn’t matter, because I was hanging out with Little Sister, and I had fun. Is there anything wrong with that?

Blink and you miss it...

Sometimes, I like to do something daring. I enjoy spontaneity. The definition of spontaneous is:

Something said, done, etc, of one's free will, without pressure from others. Natural, not forced.

 Living without pressure, being allowed to do what I want is exactly what I need.

Life is very short. It passes in the blink of an eye. Doing things that are pressured or forced seems ridiculous. Isn't living life worth taking the risks? If you let the opportunities pass you by, what are you left with? Old age and a regret for the things you didn't do? What's the point of that? My little sister is 12 years old. She has a bucket list, a list of things she wants to do before she kicks the bucket. This summer, she completed one item by learning how to wakeboard. She's one of the most fearless people I know. And, she's only 12.

But sometimes, life deals you a crappy hand. You take the risks and they don't pay off. It sucks. Believe me, I know. But you have to bounce back, no matter how much it hurts. If you don't, you're left with an empty spot in your heart and a complacent feeling.

Day #5

So, that brings me to my SotD (Song of the Day)...

"Chicago"

by Kate Voelege.

Check Out Kate's Website.

We're all pretty bizzare... Some of us are just better at hiding it than others.

Day #4

A little after midnight, Eleanor takes off her makeup, her mask. She crawls under the sheets and turns on her ipod. She rolls over and sees the empty spot next to her. Tears well up in her eyes. She begins to think the pain in her chest will never go away. People always leave and Eleanor is left behind. She feels comfort in the music, lets in suck her in and drown out her thoughts. She wonders what it's for. Where does she belong? She fidgets with the bottle of little white pills and prays for something more. She prays for sleep, for the relief of unconsciousness, if only to pass the time and ease her heartache. But, is there something more? She tries to convince herself that there is. She puts the bottle back in her nightstand drawer. As she finally succumbs to sleep, she hears the final notes of the song on her ipod and sheds once last tear.

"All the lonely people, where do they all belong?"

Yeah, Let's celebrate mediocrity!

Day #3

Matchbox 20's songs are full of catchy music, yet they say exactly what we can't. My favorites have to be "Argue" and "3 A.M." both on the "Yourself or Someone Like You" album. "Argue" has a very upbeat tune. I like to listen to it when driving around with the windows down, the sun on my skin and the wind in my hair. "I know, but I still believe in ignorance as my best defense."

"3 a.m." might be one of their most popular songs. The lyrics are heart shattering. "And in her color portrait world she believes that she's got it all. She swears the moon don't hang quite as high as it used to." To me, it represents the failing of your dreams, the realization that you don't live in a color portrait world. And that is something we can all relate to.

"Don't resist me, Mama. It's BOOGIE TIME!"

Today, I was driving down the road, trying not to think. So, of course, I was thinking. For the first time in a while, I was silent. I just listened to the song that was playing (which was the accoustic version of "Sometime Around Midnight" by The Airborne Toxic Event. Amazing) and thought about what the music was telling me. I let the notes swarm around my head.

Music has the power to make you cry or jump for joy, lift you up or tear you down, make or break you. But do people know what it means to me? Sure, my best friends know how neccessary it is to my sanity, but what about the average Joe-Schmoe? I'm not too sure.

A friend of mine (let's call her Sally) once told me that I have awesome taste in music. She said that I always find the most obscure bands with the most amazing songs.

So, for the blogging world, I'm going to educate you in music. (I'm not saying your music is crappy, I SWEAR. But I wanna show you what I like.) I'm going to introduce you to a song and tell you my feelings about it. I want people to know what it means to me. But mostly, I want people to figure out what it means to them.

Day #1

Taylor Swift. I like almost anything by her. I was talking with a co-worker the other day. She was saying that she didn't know why everyone likes her and that Ms. Swift isn't that good of a singer. I informed her that it wasn't about her singing ability; its about the catching songs. And most everyone can relate to them. We've all broken up with a crappy boy/girlfriend. We've fallen for the one that looks right through us. But mostly, she's a very down-to-earth person. She doesn't act like all the other stars that refuse to talk to fans. She stays after her shows just to sign autographs. My mom was telling me about a time when she bought pizza for all her fans. That's why people like her. It has nothing to do with her singing ability. It has everything to do with lyrics like these:

"Wake up and smell the break-up, fix my heart, put on my make-up, another mess I
didn't plan"

If I Were a Radio...

I would play these songs. My favorites.


They include but are not limited to::

• Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
• Falling Down by Atreyu. I love rocking out to this song on my way to school every morning. No kidding. There hasn't been a day this semester that I haven't listened to it.
• Baby Britain- I'm not sure who its by, but Bayside did an amazing cover. If I ever become a musician, this will be on my first album.
• Free Falling - I love John Mayer's accoustic version. Its a timeless song.
• Waiting on the World to Change by John Mayer because this is exactly how I feel.

• Montauk by Bayside - I swear, this song was written about me. It got me through some really hard times.

• Wouldn't it Be Nice? by the Beach Boys - ... ahh. The Beach Boys...

• Fix you by Coldplay - I really love almost everything Coldplay has done. But there's something about the music and the sound of his voice that makes me love this song. I never grow tired of it.

• The Way You Make Me Feel by Michael Jackson - This was from Michael's good days. Did you know this song was number one on the day I was born? Sure was.

• Champagne Supernova by Oasis - "Someday you will find me, Caught beneath the landslide..."