You got a look in your eye when your saying goodbye, like you wanna say hi...

Please take this into consideration:: When I wrote this, I stripped myself of all pride and embarassment. I was naked, in a sense. I had no intention of ever letting anyone see it, and it is, without a doubt, one of the most emotional things I've ever written (atleast for me). Remember this when you read it.

I like to think that at one point in time, you meant everything you said.
I like to think that you meant that kiss... And that you knew exactly what you wanted.
And that was me.
In that moment, that night, those brief seconds in time, I was completely yours.
That counts for something right?

I also like to think that when we pass each other at school, you stop and think, “Damn. I screwed that up.”
I like to think that some days you stop and wonder what I’m doing.
And some days, I think you regret the things you said.
And some days, even if it’s the worst day of your life, the day when everything is falling apart, you miss me.
Even if it’s only for a moment.

And everyday I try to pretend that I’m stronger than this.
I don’t miss you.
I try to convince myself and then I put on my mask.
I go about my day;; remember not;; and try to be confident.
But when the make up’s off, the music’s on && I’m all alone, I shed a tear.
Just one small one. That’s all I’ll allow.
Because I am stronger than this. I’m stronger than you.

I’ll grow up;; move on;; live my life.
I did everything I could… Said everything I felt…
I have no regrets.

When you’ve figured out what you want,
You can let me know. I’ll be here.
I still like to think we’re friends, even though we don’t speak anymore.
You do your thinking ;; && I’ll do mine.
Maybe we’ll be thinking the same thing.
&if not…
Here’s looking at you, kid.

-C

I woke up this morning and my favorite pair of sunglasses was gone. I looked under the rugs, in the cabinets, and under the sofas. I looked in my car, in my apartment, and around town. For the life of me, I couldn’t remember where I lost them. “They’re gone,” I sighed after wasting a few hours looking for them.

“Caitlin,” mom stated somewhat calmly, yet reluctantly.

“They’ve been gone for months.”

I melted into the floor, as the reality sunk in. Gone forever.

A few weeks later, I spotted my sunglasses perched on the slightly pointy nose of a skinny, pretty brunette. It was a perfect fit, and as much as I wanted those sunglasses for myself, they never really were mine. They were always hers. I pray she keeps my sunglasses safe.

-C

Instead of writing something hilarious or possibly inspiring today, I think I'll tell you something true. Hayley and I were driving home from church today and listening to Coldplay's "FIX YOU." Did I mention this is my favv song at the moment? Well it is. Anywho, We're driving down 67 and I look over at this gorgeous girl that is turning into an extremely beautiful young woman. I start thinking about how much I love her. Tears started falling. I felt really pathetic. We're sisters, so we should be screaming and arguing all the time like they do on Grey's. But this never happens. I'm blessed to have such a great sister. She's so easy to talk to and we have tons of fun together. She has so much potential and I can't wait to see what she does with it.

Bart Giamatti did not grow up (as he had dreamed) to play second base for the
Red Sox. He became a professor at Yale, and then, in time . . . president of the
National Baseball League. He never lost his love for the Boston Red Sox. It was
as a Red Sox fan, he later realized that human beings are fallen, and that life
is filled with disappointment. The path to comprehending Calvinism in modern
America, he decided, begins at Fenway
Park.
--david halverstam

“Not me, babe. Choosing me is choosing disappointment.”
His words echoed in the empty room. Lying on her bed drew unwanted attention to the fact that the weight of the world rested on her eyelids. “Life’s full of disappointment. I’ve always be a fan of the red sox.”
What’s one more time?
It’s only an organ.
It only pumps blood.
We only regret the choices we didn’t make.
She’s not a big fan of regret. The choice was made. She could hold him forever, but only kissed him goodbye. Her eyes peeked through the blinds to watch his headlights fade away.

-C

Temper part II [the hero dies in this one]

All the days run together. Your old friends turn to acquaintances. The memories may eventually fade. But you can only stay numb for so long. All it takes is a whisper, a scent, a faint memory and the pain rushes back. You can push it away, but inevitably, it comes back. Back with the realization that maybe things changed for the best. New things happen and the fuzzy edges become clearer. Maybe he was right. There was no spark. The rush, the butterflies, the rapid heartbeat wasn’t there. Slowly, the old acquaintances turn into new friends. And “the one” finally becomes your best friend. Maybe it was bad timing, or maybe it was the world’s way of saying “fuck off.” The reason doesn’t matter. Someone very wise once told me: “It all gets better with time.” I never woke up with the realization that I was over it, and there was never a flashing sign that told me everything was okay. Or maybe there was and I was too blind to see it. Not only does time wound all heels, but it heals all wounds.

-C